Sadness ... It's Just a Feeling that No One Can Comprehend.

Salaam.


I'm sad. No, it's not only because someone is away for a week, but due to many different things, when put together, that puts me down.

What happened?

I realised that I am not having the friends that I used to have. And now that Hafiz is away, I realised that I don't really have a very close friend to talk/confide into after all. Normally he has been the one who listens. But he listens to more persons than just me. Alhamdulillah, there's mother, who is always there for me (especially when I'm lonely or down). This made me realise how much I have neglected her and the rest of the family for that matter. Eating dinner and watching TV at night together were a thing of the past. Sometimes I wish those times would come back. But I know it won't. Everyone seems occupied with their interest. Even the recent one-day trip to Melaka left me frustrated with my Dad. Somehow going to Langkawi with Yam made me forget all these family worries, but escaping is only going to make me feel more distant from them all.

My entire family is beginning to feel this. I love them. But they're convinced that I'm not.

I have always been the one who will be away for camps or holidays almost every school holiday since I was in Primary Five. I don't blame them if they feel that way.

School, MS, Hafiz have gotten the best of me. And now that it's the holidays, I am free from all these. But this made me realise that it's the friends whom I truly need. So who are my friends? I do not know. Where are they? I do not know. They are busy. And I seem to be busy too. No time for friends. I'm such a bad friend. =(

I have not been in contact with my JC friends, who already have their own cliques now (I salute the guys, be it Sekapur Sireh or the Bekals for keeping the friendship between them strong despite having gone their separate ways). As for the girls, it's almost impossible to plan for an outing. So far, there has not been a single reunion/jalan raya since we graduated. Shrugs.

I realise that in university, I have made alot of 'touch-and-go' friends, but none that are really close to me. Even if there's Tom, Diana and Nuraina, I rarely contact them nor do they contact me. Everyone is caught up with their own work. I don't blame them.

My resolution for the New Hijrah/Year of 2009, is to foster friendships which are beyond skin-deep. And to re-connect all broken ties and make them stronger than ever before. In addition to that, to also physically (by exercising more) and spiritually (by attending religious classes, lectures, etc.) enhance myself. And I hope this would mark the start of a great future. Ameen. =).


People whom I miss:


* Mother (she is gone for ngaji lessons and will only be back after Zuhur, sobbs)
* Baba, Abang & Adik (they'll be back from work at 7pm)
* Muhammad Norhafiz Bin Samsudin (tomorrow night, InsyaAllah)
* Diana and the NPCC peeps, including Mr Chua (seeing them this Friday, InsyaAllah)
* Nuraina & Lee Jia Qi & Hafizah & Izzulwan
* My J05 squadmates like Ridhuan, Hisyam, etc. and A10 lao jiaos like Yvette, HuiSan, etc.
* My Jing-Gang (I have no idea when most of us would be free to meet up) =(
* AMOR-ians, every single one of them especially Gamar, Amee, Ain, Filzah, Ibz (this CNY hols InsyaAllah)
* My APEX 2008 kids, especially Nusaibah (I don't even know when I'll ever see them)
* My 44th and 45th exco members (even though I get to see them in school quite often)


And of course, there's many more. I have greater sense of attachment to these groups of people and ofcourse, they are more dearly missed. =(.

I guess I feel better now. Now that I have a list of people whom I miss, I should do something about it. Pronto! Before school reopens next Monday ... =).